2006/07/24 Clean up

There are some days when we feel like tydin up our life, cleanin'up the mess we're in.

I'm finally single, The *Calou&I* relationship is now over. It lasted long enough to hurt, but life is life. It hurts, and even if I know, deep in me, that I still love her, I'm sure I wont allow her to come back to me, I have too much self-esteem for this. I do not regret the times I've spent with her, though, I figure out that I probably need to get through this and to change my mind ! I'm not really sad that it ended up this way. We cant blame each other, we'll probably keep talking, even if it will never be like before. Maybe with time, we'll be true friends again.
I'm leading to my 20, maybe i'm in crisis, maybe not. I need to change things in my life. Get things out, some other will stay in, I need to evolve. That's not dramatising, I'm living day by day, trying to stay the one my friends can count on, trying to keep this way of being that my friends like so much. I wanna get back those people I lost before, stay true to myself, discover new things, to travel... I try to catch up what I'm waiting from life, and what it's waiting from me.The day I'll know why I'm on Earth, I s'pose everything will be fine. Yet, I'm still a young man like every other one, with qualities, and defaults.
Friend-side, I realize that true friends are pretty difficult to recognize. Some that I thought were just buddys are really close friends ,whereas others just probably gave up with being friend with meh. Beside this, some are always here, Dorian or Guillaume (<3 French names), those without who I would have lost myself. Those are really *bros* in who I have an absolute blinded trust. Those that made me as I actually am.
Some more recent as Lola, who was my ex-neighbour, eternal heart-neighbour, with who I wanna get the lost time back. (not that clear but 'nyway).
I am not sad, I have just difficulties to find my way, same as most of my generation people, I believe. I hope I'll soon be able to make another check up more positive of my life.
A big thank to those that made me what I actually am : Isseuh, Calou, Tyme, Dorian, Maud, Lola, and all the others