2007/02/14 Do not cross the Line

Long time since I didnt update this *blog*, and as I have things to say, it's time to publish another article.

To figure out that the world may not be as simple as I wanted it to be, to figure out that people need less help than I do, and to figure out that I lost, in spite of all my efforts, people I loved. Things did just changed, maybe not like I wished it to. Some people have changed, but keeps waiting me to be by their side. Rules changed too. I'll be probably more cynical for some, more agressive for other, and the eternal friend of the last.
I'll try too to be less dumb than I had been. The break-out with Calou had hurt me enough so I won't let this kind of thing start over again. Most of us lived love deceptions that hurt them. I didnt thought I could feel this pain like 7 months after this breakout.

I turn this page off, with or without your agreement, with or without their. I need to, I do it for me, for what I am, for what I wanna be. I'm doing this for those I wanna help, those I help and those that I will help. I cant live in the past forever, regretting those things that I lost, or not. I dont want to keep thinking about those things that always lead me to tears. I lost too much in a too short time. This is not a *goodbye*, this is a *good-bye* to my past life, which is now stored in photo-albums, covered with dusts, and in a tally, that will probably never be restored. I'm wearing too much bitterness in me to forgive, to forget, or to ignore what has been done to me.

Everything has an end, whatever they are good or not.

Here starts another page...

2006/07/24 Clean up

There are some days when we feel like tydin up our life, cleanin'up the mess we're in.

I'm finally single, The *Calou&I* relationship is now over. It lasted long enough to hurt, but life is life. It hurts, and even if I know, deep in me, that I still love her, I'm sure I wont allow her to come back to me, I have too much self-esteem for this. I do not regret the times I've spent with her, though, I figure out that I probably need to get through this and to change my mind ! I'm not really sad that it ended up this way. We cant blame each other, we'll probably keep talking, even if it will never be like before. Maybe with time, we'll be true friends again.
I'm leading to my 20, maybe i'm in crisis, maybe not. I need to change things in my life. Get things out, some other will stay in, I need to evolve. That's not dramatising, I'm living day by day, trying to stay the one my friends can count on, trying to keep this way of being that my friends like so much. I wanna get back those people I lost before, stay true to myself, discover new things, to travel... I try to catch up what I'm waiting from life, and what it's waiting from me.The day I'll know why I'm on Earth, I s'pose everything will be fine. Yet, I'm still a young man like every other one, with qualities, and defaults.
Friend-side, I realize that true friends are pretty difficult to recognize. Some that I thought were just buddys are really close friends ,whereas others just probably gave up with being friend with meh. Beside this, some are always here, Dorian or Guillaume (<3 French names), those without who I would have lost myself. Those are really *bros* in who I have an absolute blinded trust. Those that made me as I actually am.
Some more recent as Lola, who was my ex-neighbour, eternal heart-neighbour, with who I wanna get the lost time back. (not that clear but 'nyway).
I am not sad, I have just difficulties to find my way, same as most of my generation people, I believe. I hope I'll soon be able to make another check up more positive of my life.
A big thank to those that made me what I actually am : Isseuh, Calou, Tyme, Dorian, Maud, Lola, and all the others